Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
