the new term for farting is butt boxing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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