Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
