Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
