i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
