I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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