she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
