I CAN MOONWALK!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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