yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"it" just moved
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
