8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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