One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
