I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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