I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize