thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
