So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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