I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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