My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
