I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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