I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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