Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
