put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
