I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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