Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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