I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
