so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
