He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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