my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Someone signed my nipple.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
