So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do vagina's smell?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
