Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Four minutes until I can fart!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize