Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
