Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
