yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
