i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
