If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
