Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
