omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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