Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
