if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
