so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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