My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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