It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize