yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
3 2 1 whiskey
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
