Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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