I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
