Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
