so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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