Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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