Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
