I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
