I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
