we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
