im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
