How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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