i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
