i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
