Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
