he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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