38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Two words: blizzard sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
