smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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