Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
