life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
