i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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