I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
