i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
