You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize